I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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