Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
