dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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