Nicole vs. Life
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
