so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
is wine microwaveable?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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