I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
