She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
