Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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