He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
we're so committed to being not committed
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
