I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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