quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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