I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
