I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
