when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
