at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
