had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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