You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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