Betty ford says i'm here all night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
