if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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