So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
