im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
worst night to have a conscience
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
