her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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