we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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