I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
