i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
