ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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