the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
