just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
