I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize