I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
