Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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