9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
