i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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