girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
