I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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