So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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