Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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