If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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