and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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