My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
