I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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