I've blown a few things in my day
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
