Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just found puke in my bra..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
