i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
