Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
