I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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