I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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