I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
