the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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