I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
