I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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