He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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