i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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