were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
