dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
