I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
