were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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