Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize