I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Let's get the cat blown out
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
