he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
