Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
