i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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