I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
