The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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