His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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