My friends, they love my intelligence
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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