I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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