Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
