smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
